you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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