I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
