Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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