just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
