left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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