They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
