so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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