that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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