Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
two words...techno handjob
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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