I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
