Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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