remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
