it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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