If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
