I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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