the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
