Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize