watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
