Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
