Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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