Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
