She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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