I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
