i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
