Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
someone owes me an orgasm
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
