How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize