those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
