Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
