His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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