And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
