oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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