I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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