She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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