It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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