he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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