Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
