Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
