Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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