I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
