the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
