I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
