In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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