you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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