Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
