I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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