You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
