he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You dont lie about slip and slides
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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