We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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