$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
