the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
