Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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