ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
