I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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