rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
