know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
