What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
