he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
