i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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