sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
