he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
