I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize