There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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