Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
