well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
