What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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