My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
