i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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