R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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