Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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