well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
