I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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