Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
