I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
