mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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