Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
