Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Come see our sink grown plant.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
